So my 5 book paranormal sci/fi homoerotic fiction books series has now become 20 books, with books 6-20 taking on the series subtitle of Love’s Savior. It is based around the children conceived from the couples in books 1-5.
I got the idea from my friend Richard.
Of course my mind has already started running wild with all sorts of ideas. But I’m extremely excited.
I’ve also started another book series: Fated Duets about elves. Also a homoerotic series. The first book is entitled “Special.”
This is probably the best outcome and result of my being confined to my bed and wheelchair. I’m finally still long enough to write like I’ve always wanted to.
When the books get published and have a release date, I will let you all know.
I’m sick of able bodied people telling me what I should do. They don’t get it. They don’t understand the constant pain that I feel. It never goes away, only eases with the pain medication. So, when it comes down to either using my wheelchair which puts the pain level to a 5 or 6 or using my cane which puts the pain to an 11, I’m going to choose the wheelchair.
They weren’t at my appointment, they didn’t hear the doctor, didn’t look at my X-Rays. They just don’t get it.
And yes, I know I’m whining and complaining and a part of me is supremely annoyed by the fact that I’m doing it, but you know what? I’m annoyed and I’m in pain and I’ve spent my LIFE smiling when I should have been crying, putting on a happy face when I’ve been devastated, seeing the positive in the face of hell and pain and forgiving people for ruining my life, I think I deserve a moment to bitch and complain about the fact that I’m in a FUCKING WHEELCHAIR!
I’m angry (in case you haven’t noticed). How bad of a person am I, how horrible am I, what horrible thing have I done or will I do that God would allow me to be or put me in this kind of pain, in a damn wheelchair? Did I not speak against injustice enough? Not march against human rights violations and protest for equality and justice enough? Have I not loved enough? Forgiven enough? Did I not give enough? Do enough? Am I cursed? Am I walking around with a HUGE target on my back asking for this?
I always thought that if something horrible like this happened to me I’d still have my positive and happy outlook on life. That I’d have a good attitude about the whole thing like the young kids on the commercials and tv and in the hospitals. I don’t. I’m sad all the time, angry, depressed and lonely.
The fulfillment of my dreams is but a distant memory now. I’ve had to reevaluate, reorganize and redefine my life, my future, my plans and my outlook. And they don’t get that, they don’t care. And they’re not trying to help.
So, yes, I close myself up in the room and avoid them, because to do anything else would be stupid at this point.
I know I haven’t blogged in a while, but my life took a drastic turn and to be quite honest, I have been battling depression and insomnia like a prize-fighting bitch and haven’t wanted to actually talk about it.
I haven’t even been writing that much.
I had an appointment with the VA (Veteran’s Association) Hospital in Tampa, Florida and was told that on top of the injuries I sustained while serving in the Army I now have bursitis in my hip (which is like inflammation of the tendons and muscles around the bones or something) and arthritis in my spine. I didn’t even know you could GET arthritis in your spine. Apparently you can because I have it.
Anyway, these things have led to me being put on “no unnecessary movement” restriction, five prescription medications (all very high dosages), given a wheelchair and told to use it over my cane if I’m going anywhere over fifteen feet from my bed.
My parents’ home is not wheelchair friendly and so trying to move around and get stuff accomplished and do things is very difficult, especially when you know that even though you’re in a house full of people nobody will or wants to help you.
Welcome the depression.
It’s hard, no damn near impossible, to get a job when you can’t sit or stand for too long because of the pressure it puts on your injuries and when the only time you’re not in pain and comfortable is when you’re laying down (which is what I’m doing now). Can’t drive, go shopping and the worst thing of all:
NO SEX!! She (my doctor) said no sex for atleast three weeks but then after that if I did have sex, there’s certain positions I can’t do and ones I can do with assistance (ie, pillows strategically placed at certain points). And really, what man is going to want to be with a woman he can’t have sex with for three weeks or without using a buttload of pillows?
No man that’s who.
So I’ve kind of been in a daze, especially because the doctor said that it’s just going to get worse as I get older.
So that’s the reason why I haven’t blogged or really tweeted like I usually do and why this entry is so morose and heartbreaking. I’m still somewhat in a pity party mood. It won’t last forever, I’m naturally optimistic and bubbly, but for right now….while I’m new to this whole being “handicapable” and disabled and feeling alone, left out, neglected, hurt, upset, angry, bitter, depressed, and lost I won’t be blogging or writing like usual. By next week I should be back to my old self again.
I do miss blogging you all. I’ll get better. Promise. Is that alright?
Book two: The Beta Prince is done (Yay!!!) and I’ve started book three: The Elder Advisor. Unfortunately, I am suffering from insomnia and then moments where I pass out from exhaustion and are only awake for two or three hours before falling asleep again (today would be one of those days).
So I will write book three when I’m fully awake and functioning.
I’m almost finished with book two of the Passion’s Hero series, “The Beta Prince.” I’m amazed at how quickly the books are developing. I was planning on sending book one off and THEN starting on book two, but it’s looking as if I’m going to have two books done before I get a definite response from the publishers.
Meanwhile, I did something a little nutty (I know, no surprise there). I have created Facebook accounts for all of the main characters (the different heroes) from the Passion’s Hero series. Talon Versuthion, Blazell Roughshire, Buckington Roughshire, Percival Taunton, Mailon Saungfreid, Duke Mufariso, Trenton Versuthion, Rico Suavez, Tuvarion Versuthion, Franklin Mufariso, and Sutton Castezi are all on Facebook. They talk and conversate just as if they were real.
Just thought I’d let you all know, just in case you wanted to friend them ahead of time. Once the books get covers I’ll be able to give them all profile pictures, but for now they don’t have any.
Hope everyone has been doing well this last week. Between writing and suffering majorly from insomnia and listening to my idiot doctor who wants to schedule me for an EKG because I “MIGHT” have CHF (Congestive Heart Failure), I haven’t been able to blog like I want, but it’s not because I haven’t thought about it, I have, I just haven’t gotten around to doing it.
Also, if you all want something really good to read (you know while you’re waiting for my books to be published), may I suggest the Midnight Matings Series by Gabrielle Evans, Joyee Flynn and Stormy Glenn or The Brac Pack Series by Lynn Hagen. I’m addicted to both series, I’m talking about buying it as soon as it’s available and downloading it the moment I can “addicted.” Between those and EVERY single book written by Mary Calmes, T.A. Chase, J.L Langley and Stephani Hecht, I spend quite a bit of time reading (usually when I’m trying to get some sleep).
So I hope you all are doing well. Hugs and Kisses! And by the way The Passion’s Hero series is going to be published under the author name: VVee Bailey or just VVee.